I was reading a fantastic article on weight loss and how it can cause people to change completely, it made me think about the changes in me over the last few months. I was told by my leader the change in physical appearance would boost my confidence, make me happier and maybe bring out aspects of my personality I never knew I had. Well, I didn't know how right she was until recently. Before the weight loss I never thought, for even a second, I would turn into the shallow person I am now.
If going from a big to an average size causes a huge physical strain on the body as it tries to re-adjust itself to its new layout, does the mind go through a similar process? The article suggested that the mind can go through huge changes during a weight loss programme and it can be so extreme that close family members and friends would comment on how different the person is now the weight is off. My mind has went through a huge transition and now I don't feel like myself anymore, in fact I feel like a shadow of my former self and would give anything to have her back.
During my weight loss I went though many emotional checkpoints: seeing the first pounds come off, having a bad week and wasting previous efforts, wanting to give up, getting back in the saddle, drawing lines in the sand, reaching targets etc etc. The list is endless however I never thought I would go through a small personality transplant as well. I have been making comments and jokes I would have never made as a fat person because I know how horribly hurtful it is but that, in itself, is not reason enough for me to stop. Since when did I act like that? When did I decide to break my moral compass and guide myself? It runss deeper than poking fun at other people, like I said previously, I have found myself becoming extremely shallow and egotistical.
Maybe I'm trying to make up for all those years I couldn't say horrible things or am I getting all the anger,frustration and hurt at the people who did say things to me out? Whatever explanation is correct, I'm playing a dangerous game right now and it has already damaged the people I love the most. Remember, the grass is not always greener on the other side and don't throw away everything you love for a fleeting thought.
8 years ago
