20 Questions

Can you switch it on and off? And to be honest with you, I haven't been paying the slightest bit of attention. It's like when you're falling asleep in class and you slowly loose track of what the fucks going on and the more you fall asleep, as the nods get longer you start proper dreaming. Its immense.

Going to make a change, for once in my life.

- Why did you do that?

I thought it was time. Too much time had passed. I had to. She was there. She was begging. She wanted it and I had to give it to her, I couldn't let her down. She looked at me and begged. She opened her arms and said I wouldn't need anything else as long as I had her.

I believed her.

- Did it hurt?

What do you think?


- Was it painful?


(Silence)


- Did you enjoy it?


(Silence)


- Did you enjoy it?


(Silence)


- Why do you hate her?

She's fucked up my life, walking in like she owns me.


- Why do you keep going back?


(Silence)


- Do you want to do it again?

I don't want to do it again, I don't want to see her ever again. I don't want to look at her stupid face, saddle up and smile; kills and never asks why. Anger, rage incandescent fury cleaving and dividing skin as it progresses from one hand to the other.

I know what I have to do, I know how and I know why. I have purpose now, I can swim to the pier; sit on the bitter wood then hang. Hang on for life, for her, for you. The last thing I will see is the sun setting on my life, I'll embark on a new journey to the unknown and smother her with all this fucking hate I have coursing though every millimeter of my body.



Poetic isn't it?


- Do you think that would be a good idea?

Do you have a better suggestion? Would you like to fill me in on some secret plan you have?


- Why don't you go to the doctors?


To dull the pain.


- To get help.


Why do I need help when I have you?




(Silence)





I cry out. I cry for help. Why don't you answer me? Why don't you help me?


C17H18F3NO

C17H18F3NO

C17H18F3NO

C17H18F3NO

C17H18F3NO


Not again. Never again.

-Did you say you wanted to leave for the summer?

That's what ill do. This is a big juncture in my life and I feel lost, caught up in a whirlwind of circumstance and bad luck which follows me everywhere I go and inevitably manages tarnish every single fucking thing I do.

-Are you sure you're not doing it to yourself?

Ill take a leaf out of TwoFaces book and make my own luck.

-Luck isn't real.

Your not real.

-Do you want me to be real?


(Silence)


-Are you sure you're not doing it to yourself?


(Silence)


I'm changing growing then regressing. I need change, progress yet I don't want anything. I want pills blades rope and sorrow to take me in the night to meet her. I want to see her and thank her for being everything she fucking took from me.

-You don't want to do that, do you?

I want to stay inside I want to go out and just be. I want her to make me a picnic of insanity so I can make myself sick with relief. I want sanity; I crave madness.



(Silence)


- Its not your fault. You're ill.


I know.


- You need help.


I am perfectly fine; I eat sleep study socialise and work.


- That's what you call a life?


There isn't a drug in this perfectly tainted world that will make this fucking life meaningful.



Is there?



(Silence)



Help me baby, I'm broken; a shadow of everything I could have been. The sun has set on an isolated beach; chaos slowly creeps into the mind of anyone who can't look away.


-Are you a fan of chaos?


I have no choice.


-You always have a choice.


I don't.



(Silence)



I have a plan. I want to go to the beach and hang from the pier; I want to be returned to sender, asphyxiated into the darkness and held by her.



-I thought you hated her?




(Silence)



-Do you love her?



(Silence)



Fuck you.

-Do you love her?



FUCK YOU.



-Do you love her?


Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.



(Silence)




He's going to change and one day hell see me and walk away.



-Why would that happen?



Things aren't as simple as they seem; masters of disguise never get caught, the ugly truth emerges from heavens gates and reigns down on us. The people can't fight it, they join forces and become something so horrid the others must look away

I see past the exterior into the soul which is rotting; piece after piece falls away and scorches the ground with its smouldering mass.



-Why do you think people will always leave you?



(Silence)



-Do you drive them away?



(Silence)



-Do you want to be alone?



I've always got her; the one thing that will never leave, never abandon, never run. She will open her arms and welcome me into them, lovers lost at sea; reunited after all hope has vanished.



Let's run away, dive into the abyss and swim for the shores of the unknown.




Would you come with me?



(Silence)



Would you come with me?






(Silence)